Write your story, even if it hurts.

Months ago, I wrote a blog-post about why I thought memoir writing was one of the hardest types of books to write. At the time of that post, I was working on my memoir, “Once Upon A Child” and I was probably hitting a few rough patches. Going into it, I knew I touched on a very sensitive subject that brought me lots of pain and sorrow. And to be quite honest, I didn’t think I was going to make it to the finish line. It was getting much too deep. I was drowning.

Once the book released, I was relieved. Finally, it was done. And even though inwardly I celebrated another victory, I knew the response toward this book would do one or two things:

• Touch the hearts of those who need the encouragement.
• Make people wonder why the heck I wrote it.

I knew I’d get interesting reactions from readers of my memoir. Miscarriage is such a sensitive subject– one that affects 10-25% of pregnancies. I knew that it might cause a stir and people would wonder why I would even write something so personal. Why relive those gut-wrenchingly horrible moments?

While there are many reasons I decided to write this book, there is only one reason I can give that will explain why I didn’t mind emotionally reliving some of the pain, trauma and sorrow I experienced. It’s the same reason I told one of my NyreePress clients she should write her book.

Cindy

We’ll call her Cindy. When she first shared her book idea with me, I could tell she was ready to get started. She was nervous, but she was ready to embark on her writing journey. She began to explain to me that she had some opposition about it. Some family members didn’t think writing it was a good idea.

“Why would you want to write about a bad experience you had?” they asked.

“I just know I have to write it to help others out there who went through what I did,” she explained confidently.

I loved her answer and her confidence. She shared with me that she was aware that she would have to get to the heart of her experiences with me. And she seemed ok with that. I shared with her my personal experience– hoping it would ease any doubt in her mind. I was grateful to learn that it did.

The truth is, there is so much power in our stories– our testimonies. If we’ve overcome something traumatic, a great way to help other’s who are where we were is to share our story and how we overcame.

As Cindy and I sat through our first meeting and I listened to her story, she wept. My heart ached for her experience, but I also knew that she had overcome what happened and was alive to talk about it.

I reminded her.

“But Cindy, remember, you made it.”

She wiped her eyes and smiled. “That’s right, I made it.”

It hurts to be transparent

There were moments when I had to pause. I had to stop writing Once Upon A Child and give the book a rest for a week or two. I was so emotionally invested into it, I knew my heart was spilling onto those pages. I had never been that transparent. But I was mission-minded. I knew I had to be as raw and real as possible if I was going to deliver a powerful message– a truthful message that so many women can relate to. A message that’s rarely discussed in its fullest context.

Being emotionally invested into your work and getting emotional responses from readers says a lot about the writer. When a reader says, “I read your book and started crying,” it means you described what happened in such a real way that it made your reader feel like they were there. That is great writing. It’s a compliment!

Even though it’s never easy to talk openly about a hurt that once paralyzed you, it’s rewarding to know that your messaged aided someone else in their healing. It makes the saying, “It’s not about me” seem all the more real. As you write, you’ll remember that it’s not about you… it’s all about who’s life you’ll touch with it.

How to know if you should write your story

Everyone has life experiences, you may say. It’s really true. We all have our own trials and journey’s that we’ll take part in. However, everyone will not write their story.

Writers who decide to pen tragedies on paper do more than just write for the sake of becoming a bestseller. As I mentioned before, we don’t write for validation or so that it’ll become all about us. It’s not so we could get sympathy. It’s called writing with a purpose– a purpose far greater than book sales.

Here are a few questions I believe you should ask yourself before you begin writing your story:

1. Why are you writing your story?
2. Are you prepared to revisit emotional heartache? (if it’s a bad experience)
3. What do you hope to gain after the story is written?
4. Are you writing for closure/ healing? Or, are you already healing from those wounds?

I believe if you can answer those questions honestly and you still want to write your story, then you should.

Q4U:

What do you think about today’s blog-post? Have you considered writing about an incident that happened in your life? Have you had any opposition? Personal? Family? Friends? I’d love to hear from you!

Warmly,

Kennisha